He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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