That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
