My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
The best revenge is premature balding
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Randomize
