so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Do vagina's smell?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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