We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
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