too bad you live with your parents still
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
