Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
