dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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