omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
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