It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I love you.
Bad choice
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
