Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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