Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I just googled if crying burns calories
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
