you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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