Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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