Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
