Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
