brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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