"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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