Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
We had to coat check the pizza.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
