Sry I called you an 8
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i came on her dog
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
