he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
