i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
