my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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