I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
either way he was missing a nipple.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
