i think my tv is drunk
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize