So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
