believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
