We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
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