Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
