i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
