apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Randomize
