Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
