i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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