Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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