Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
