then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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