I want to make a zoo with you.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
sarcasm needs its own font
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
