Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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