Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
