the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
