This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
