Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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