So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Randomize
