Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
