Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
