His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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