i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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