i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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