hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
