i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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