you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
