OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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