She said her name was "party"
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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