I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
